this is my blog

Dear Anonymous:

2010-01-06T15:35:00.003-05:00

(...an open letter)
lately, you have been posting many comments on my backposts. this has given me pause, and i have oft thought of writing this letter to you. i wonder who you are, what you do. the fact amazes me that anyone would be following my not-quite-abandoned blog, much less commenting. these past few days, i have been toying with the idea of creating a new blog, a fresh start. the new name was to be "blogarythms: a young american's days and dreams", or something to that effect. at any rate, i am at a point in my life where blogging is again feasible, and i have things to say, fresh ideas.
i have decided, after much consideration, to start posting again to this blog.
so thank you, anonymous, especially for your latest and most insightful comment:

"erotik webcam
SexGames
Privat Amateure"

regards,
k.t. strasse

Photography and Such

2009-03-08T03:53:00.001-04:00

Photography and Such
k.t.strasse@gmail.com to gigs-1057252363@craigslist.org
Mar 3

To whom it may concern:

It has come to my attention that an Advertisement posted upon Craigslist Maine implies explicit need for a Photographer. I wish to apply for the position.
You may have seen some of my work in many fashionable magazines and catalogues, as I am not only world famous as a photographer, but I have a comically large list of credentials.
I graduated from the International Kodak School of Photography in France in the year 1939 and have been employed by many different persons of high standing, simply too many to mention.
My Resumé may be found at:
http://ktstrassephotoblog.blogspot.com/

Thank you Moste Graciously for your time.
Truly and sincerely yours,
kyle t. randall

Poste Scripte:
Please do not think it presumptuous of me, but I did find your list of payment options rather confusing. I would most appreciative if you could clarify for me: What sorts of homemade hats are available?

i need four photos, asap (portland)

2009-03-06T20:57:00.001-05:00

i'm in love:
(this was under creative gigs on craigslist)

What I Need: Someone with decent photo skills to take a few head and body shots for me as all the ones I have suck and I know I'll never get another modeling job with them.

What I Have: Many forms of payment from which you can choose from:
a homemade hat!
a package of pop tarts!
a bag of soup mix!
a pack of ciggarettes!
a box of chex cereal!
I could fix some of your clothes or add buttons and patches to them!
I'll walk your dog/cat/sugar glider/child for an hour!
or maybe I will even buy you a cup of coffee!
Your Choice!
This is an exelent deal don't pass it up!

2009-02-16T17:20:00.002-05:00

sketchory.com is wonderful.

a video project

2009-02-01T01:54:00.003-05:00

all of the cool vintage things that sarah gets from her parents make me jealous. but then i think about it, and i realize that my parents probably have the same sorts of things.
observe:
first, sarah gets a typewriter from her folks.
a polaroid camera.
a big old folding camera.
a vintage slr.
and then a cool old video camera that doesn't work.

i got a really really nice typewriter from my mom.
a polaroid camera (complete with fake leather).
a big old folding camera.
a sweet slr from the seventies.
a cool old video camera that works.

i don't have any money to buy super 8 film right now, but i want to make some movies. blogface and i are compiling a list of things that we want to make movies about or things we want to film.
my first idea is to record 'pure imagination' from charlie and the chocolate factory. i'm gonna use a bunch of different synths. then i'm gonna get nash to do the vocals cause he's a really good singer.
then we're going to make a super 8 movie to go with it.

pure imagination:
a speeded up shot of people walking on the beach
a bug walking slowly
the inside of a grand piano
candy

finding home

2009-01-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

when i'm with you i hope that you'll come through and someday i'll have you again
when i think of you i wonder how you do how you get through on the day to day
but i know you and i know too that when i'm with you i won't be ok
so i am alone she says i'm finding home i guess it could be true, true in its way
meanwhile i check my phone waiting for your missed call
and you say i should roam find my way out west

so now theres me and you
and everyone we know
and we don't have
anywhere to go
we are lacking homes
we are out alone
on and on and on we roam
everyone i know

wanderlust

2009-01-29T20:21:00.004-05:00

lately i've been having that awful feeling again.
i don't want to see my family.
i don't want to see nash or liz.
i just want to leave.
a mad dash for the door, just the essentials.
i think nash and i got divorced. i'm not sad about it. we havent hung out this week. the last few times we have hung out, there is nothing to talk about. we sit in silence, or play guitar. all the songs are dead.
i've written a new song. here are the lyrics, maybe sometime i'll record it for you all.
it's called new york city.

i am going to move to new york city
i am leaving tonight.
i pack my bags- just the essentials:
socks, underwear, toothbrush
guitar, camera, computer.
i sold my electric
that covers the bus ticket
i sold my tube amplifier
that will go to food
i sold my ipod
to pay for booze

my pre move to-do list
its not too long:
drop out of school
quit the band
say goodbye to mom and dad

and then i'm gone
and then i'm gone
and then i'm gone

p.s: i just recorded it and uploaded it to myspace.com/ktstrasse if you want to hear it. it's pretty lo-fi: two tracks, one take each. enjoy.
p.p.s: theres a note under the song on myspace that says other people might not be able to hear it in the next twenty four hours, you might have to wait until nine oh three tomorrow night.

anna at maine photo

2009-01-25T00:11:00.005-05:00

last weekend i went into the photo store. anna helped me out, gave me my photos. she was really unfriendly though. i tried to talk to her, make conversation, but she wouldn't say much. that night i got a facebook message from her:

hey!
you came into my work today, and i just wanted to say that i hope i didn't come off as being mean/unfriendly! i've noticed that occasionally, people mistake my shyness as unfriendliness. sorry to use the internetz to tell ya that, but i figured it would be a little weird to say with my boss standing there and all.

so now i'm facebook friends with her but i don't know what to say to her and i don't know where this relationship is going and i...
so anyway
now i'm wanting to write a song about her and about how she sees my life through photos and must have some impression of who i am and what i do and what i am interested in. i feel like she sees little bits of my soul and i have no idea who she is, though i admire her email writing:
"the infamous kyle t. randall of medium format fame?"

fin.

setting sun blues

2009-01-24T02:33:00.001-05:00

i miss abbey and i want to find her and sing her sunset blues. or at least write on her wall. good thing i'm not going to.

consume

2009-01-22T20:24:00.003-05:00

i've been on the lomography website (http://www.lomography.com/) lately. i want to own many things on it. i read the articles on it. i drool over pictures of lubitel and diana f+. everything about the website (except the not so subtle consumerist themes) appeals to me.
i feel guilty about this. i'm not sure why, but i feel like being a randall means not doing things like this. this morning i woke up and realized that it's ok to be in love with lomography, and heres why:
lomography spends a whole bunch of money on marketing research (or not), and they've come to realize that if they want to sell lots of cameras and film and bags, their website should be hip. i am who they are marketing to: young hip people who like cameras.
i'm sure most of us are white and middle/upper middle class too, but that's beside the point.

they design their website so that i will like it. that's why it's ok to like lomography.

new shirt

2009-01-20T17:46:00.002-05:00

david was wearing a new shirt today and he looked so hot. i couldn't talk to him all day.

over the past four days, i've slept a work week plus overtime

2009-01-19T01:48:00.002-05:00

i wish i hadnt.
i think i might skip school tomorrow.

holy shit she responded and she has a boyfriend

2009-01-09T22:50:00.001-05:00

how did you know i read craigslist?
Anna ----- to pers-984482300@craigslist.org
6:07pm

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

am i really not that friendly? aww. that's kinda sad. maybe you just catch me when i'm tired? i'm pretty friendly, i swear!

there is only one kyle i can think of who comes into the store, hmm... the infamous kyle t. randall of medium format fame? haha anywho, if this is you then thanks for being so nice!! i have a boyfriend, but you seem really cool and i'm always up for
hanging out with new people. you can never have enough friends, right? :)

catch ya later!

missed connection

2009-01-08T23:46:00.002-05:00

i posted a missed connection on craigslist. i feel weird every time i think about it.

late at night

2009-01-08T23:44:00.002-05:00

its now eleven fourty four, and im not asleep. i hate going to bed because that means my day is over. i'm never ready for it to end, there's always more that i want to do. i don't have enough time to work on my boat or play guitar or read or take pictures or do any of the other things that i like to do. i know that when pin starts playing at five fifteen, i'm not going to want to get up. good thing have two different alarm clocks.

my whole life

2009-01-08T20:24:00.004-05:00

since a certain life changing event that happened last year, all i've wanted to do is wear big boots and play my guitar loud. i havent done that enough, but i've been wearing my boots an awful lot. i'm pretty psyched about them every single time i put them on. just wish i had more energy to play loud guitar.

image credit to sam brown at explodingdog.com. i love him.
http://explodingdog.com/drawing/ifeelimportantinmynewboots.gif

snow day

2009-01-07T21:57:00.003-05:00

today was a snow day
alone day.

i spent all day in my room, cleaning, rearranging. i played guitar too. all day.
it was wonderful and relaxing.

photocredit to fishwrapper:
http://fishwrapper.wordpress.com/category/snow/

photos

2009-01-06T18:28:00.003-05:00

i've spent the last few nights scanning photos and uploading them to my photoblog.
there are a whole bunch of them, many of which may be enjoyable.
http://ktstrassephotoblog.blogspot.com/

the universe

2009-01-05T21:58:00.002-05:00

sometimes i wonder if maybe the universe is out of balance. that would explain a whole lot of things.
i suspect it might be.

musical blogpost update

2008-12-28T20:21:00.001-05:00

i edited it a little bit. lemme know if it sounds gay.

myspace.com/ktstrasse

musical blogpost

2008-12-24T23:04:00.005-05:00

i wrote and recorded a new song. i wanted to put it up here, but couldn't figure out how, so it's on www.myspace.com/ktstrasse.
called all roads lead back to you. pretty angsty, i'm pretty happy with it.
if you go to the myspace page and its not up there, check again tomorrow. it says its processing and might not be up for a little while.
i wrote this song after listening to lou reed's album new york, from 1989. it sounds pretty similar, but i think it's close to what my songs really sound like.

scrabble

2008-12-24T20:28:00.002-05:00

i am really bad at scrabble. i don't know if its a psychological thing, like i just get all worked up, or if i'm just really bad at it, but every time i play it, i feel like my family is disappointed. i pick out a bunch of words i can put down, and then when it gets to be my turn, i don't have anything. bah!
maybe someday i can bring honor to my family.

attention seeker

2008-12-24T12:19:00.002-05:00

i do everything i do to get attention.
i've been doing it for years, though more recently i've tried to tone it down.
it makes me hate myself and question everything i do.

2008-12-24T11:35:00.004-05:00

sometimes garfield minus garfield makes me laugh and sometimes it makes me cry.

following

2008-12-24T11:32:00.001-05:00

following is funny. i can't decide whether its more like a religion or more like stalking.

some thoughts... about me

2008-12-21T20:17:00.001-05:00

no matter what i do i'm unsatisfied.
is this my lot in life or is it just inherent of humans?
i'm not good enough.

hangover hell

2008-12-13T10:29:00.001-05:00

my head hurts a lot and i feel awful. emily was right about that jim bean.

coffee

2008-12-03T20:25:00.003-05:00

i drank a lot of coffee today.
coffee does ungodly things to my colon.

ps

2008-11-27T03:20:00.001-05:00

ps- the open mic went really well. we got good feedback for dinosaurs, the ergs was popular too.
i just wrote a missed connections (craigslist) for the waitress that nash and i never buy drinks from, but i navigated away from the page and the one time i wanted safari to double check, it didnt.
bed

night

postcards from past lives

2008-11-27T03:07:00.001-05:00

speaking of, heres another postcard:
good morning town- i wrote and recorded this during an acid trip.
so many memories to write down, thank god i have pictures and sounds.

i'm straight

2008-11-27T02:55:00.002-05:00

I called this number three times already today
But I, I got scared, I put
It back in place, I put my phone back in place.
I still don't know if I
should have called up.
Look, just tell me why don't ya if I'm out of place.
'Cause here's your chance to make me feel awkward
And wish that I had
never even called up this place.
I saw you though today walk by with hippie Johnny.
I had to call up and say how I want to take his place.
So this phone call today conerns hippie Johnny.
He's always stoned, he's never straight.
I saw you today, you know, walk by with hippie Johnny.
Look, I had to call up and say, I want to take his place.
See he's stoned, hippie Johnny.
Now get this, I'm straight and I want to take his place.
Now look, I like him too, I like hippie Johnny.
But I'm straight
and I want to take his place.
I said, I'm straight
I said, I'm straight
I'm proud to say
Well I'm straight and I want to take his place.

Now I've watched you walk around here.
I've watched you meet these
boyfriends, I know, and you tell me how they're deep.
Look but, if these guys, if they're really so great,
tell me, why can't they at least take this place
and take it straight? Why always stoned,
like hippie Johnny is?
I'm straight and I want to take his place.
Oh I'm certainly not stoned, like hippie Johnny is.
I'm straight and I want to take his place.
I said, I'm straight
I said, I'm straight
I'm
I'm straight and I want to take his place
All right you Modern Lovers what do you say?
(I'm straight!)
Tell the world now
(I'm straight!)
I said
(I'm straight!)
Yeah I'm straight and I want to take his place.

i'm straight

it is now two fifty six am, i have arrived safely at home, and now i'm sitting down to my computer with a nice glass of water and a peanut butter sandwich.
for music, i put on the modern lovers. not feeling particularly sentimental, just putting on music.
those opening bars really brought me back. i had forgotten exactly what hugos meant to me, but these opening bars of i'm straight really reminded me. hugos was the only bar i really enjoyed going to, the only bar that i felt comfortable at.
hugos means two dollar pbrs, it means chris, bob and james. the hipsters there, the old people that hung out there. hugos means sports on tv and sitting at the bar. and hanging out with jody and ian. bringing jahmai there, and playing pool. ian was kinda showing her the ropes of pool, and i didnt know how to teach her. maybe i should get better at pool.
hugos meant getting drunk, and usually talking to sarah on the way home.

was that chapter of my life real? how is it possible that it can be so easily forgotten?
thank god for drunk sentiments, for now i have this postcard from a past life.

what happened? where are you?

2008-10-13T17:34:00.003-04:00

got wood

2008-10-07T19:23:00.003-04:00

today, paul gave me a piece of maple to use for the neck of my guitar. it is beautiful.
i think, if i cut it right, it might be enough for the neck of a guitar and for a bass guitar. i think i can make the fretboard for the guitar out of this same slab of maple. it's pretty big.
now all i need is tuning machines, fretwire, and the the electronics. oh yeah, the paint too.

another backpost: may 24th

2008-10-06T19:42:00.003-04:00

an emo monologue [emologue]

this is getting to be such a familiar feeling. the shaky world that i can hardly hold onto, the way i lose track of whether i'm coming or going or

FUCK THIS NOISE

there are several things greatly distressing me right fuckin now. i would like to raise general awareness about these.

a) i really cannot find my sunglasses. i am going to the basement later, and i need my pink sunglasses. however, i wore them the other night when i was hungover.

b) there is a pair of scissors in the kitchen, on the breakfast bar. they are labeled clearly with the word 'scissor.' i hope to god that i'm not imagining the label, cause i really can't figure out why somebody would need to label them so. i mean, i like labels as much as the next guy, but this seems just a little bit excessive.

c) i am a little bit worried that the dj at the basement will suck. i'm also worried that it will make me sad. that was the first bar i went to. viña got me really drunk and i puked all night. the next day i wore my hangover like a victor wearing a banner. it was brilliant. i went to state street to get purple vitamin water twice.
that was the basement where i danced with abbey, the dance night that she invited me to the elevens and it really sucked, so we went to their dorm and just chilled, and then abbey and i stayed up and fucked all night. we fucked the next night too, and the next and the next and the next for a good ten or twelve days straight, usually in the mornings too. it was really awesome and really intense. we fucked everywhere, in her bed, in my bed, on the floor, on the drawing table. we fucked on the smith lawn, and a smith uv drove by and didnt see us. i got some really nasty mosquito bites that night.

d) do you guys get those piles of shit in your room that migrate too? i build up these stacks- things like notebooks and papers and big fucking pieces of cardboard, other piles of halfway dirty laundry and other piles of drawings and then there are piles of stuff that i need on an everyday basis opposed to those i only need twice a week. god fucking damn it.

e) right. you guys would not fucking believe how greasy i am right now. this is really incredible. i am so greasy that i'm thinking about taking a shower before i go out. my hair is really nasty. its ginchy.

f) there is no f. i guess thats not distressing me so much as i am just pretty ok with it. that is to say, i'm not unhappy with it, but not terribly excited about it. just 'meh'.

AND ALSO

some of the more long term stacks or random shit in my room end up appearing, to me, to be excellent compositions for a drawing. very central piles.

within you without you: telephones

2008-10-06T19:07:00.003-04:00

its funny how i'm not getting any cell phone coverage at all and my mom is on the phone with val (cause it's val's birthday) and i really can't call emily.
it's ironic because it's val.

stupid angry poetry: a backpost

2008-10-06T19:07:00.001-04:00

b g
e g c b
c d b e

hey girl
now that i'm drunk
i feel like i can talk to you
especially over the phone
that makes it real easy to say the things that i want to
that makes it real easy to say the things that i want to say to you

and while we're on the phone
thought i'd let you know
just thought i'd tell you
that i want to bone

i want to be your boyfriend
but even if im not
i will love you to the end
so no pressure
please don't feel pressured

don't you think its funny
now that i've had a few beers
my nose gets runny
and i'm talking to you
like i do all the time
so whats different now?
the word that comes to mind is
inhibitions
stumbled over that one
its all right

its strange how you let me hold you
and smell your hair
and nuzzle my nose in your neck
you let me pretend to love you
you let me pretend anything i want
just so long as i'm there for you
i feel as if i've been wronged
i feel i've been wronged
and you guilt trip me
happens all the time
guilt trip city

its not even a song anymore
it's more like a letter form
all these things i want to say
i'm glad i said them today
i bet i'll regret them tomorrow
and every day to follow

i love you so much
that i fucking hate you
these melodramatic words
i relate to you
they're such bullshit

q: why do i feel like shit?

2008-10-05T18:31:00.002-04:00

a: mostly because i'm in love with emily and she doesn't want to be with me.

a few observations:
•when i lived in northampton, i saw emily a lot
•when i lived in northampton, i couldn't think about anything else
•when i lived in portland and emily lived in portland, i saw her a lot
•when i lived in portland and emily lived in portland, i couldn't think about anything else
•when emily left for school, i stopped thinking about her
•i have been writing an awful lot of songs about her
•i wasn't before... lets see– oh yeah, last thursday

and a few conclusions:
•i was way happier when i didn't see her at all
•i wrote songs about other girls when i didn't see her at all

and something else:
i don't understand how emily can love me and want to make out with me but not want to be with me. i just don't get it.

an open letter

2008-08-14T22:36:00.002-04:00

Dear Everyone:
it's funny how i do things, like when i procrastinate.
i'm supposed to be writing an essay so i can go to the landing school but instead i'm shopping for guitars that i can't afford.

kyle t randall

me, my project, lame

2008-08-04T21:22:00.002-04:00

nick remembered that i had asked if i could have pictures of kudzu cause i wanted to do a comic book based on it. i had forgotten. i had beautiful images lodged in my brain. i wonder how many projects like this i've forgotten about.
also, the sin city stencil i was doing on my guitar case- i was so enthusiastic when i started, now it's a white block with a 'b' on it.

where is my follow through?
chris coyne is doing a project with notecards.

incest

2008-06-06T01:05:00.002-04:00

noun. our very limited group of friends is so incestuous. it makes me feel gross. everybody has a history with someone else. its bad news bears.

myblog

2008-06-06T01:03:00.003-04:00

i havent been blogging so much, and i sorta miss it.
if i could write a concept album, i would write one about the triops taking over the world.

and now for something completely different:
finding home sucks.

hoorah for camera!

2008-05-24T12:39:00.002-04:00

i got a camera yesterday. its all kinds of amazing. i will be posting photos on my new photoblog, at http://ktstrassephotoblog.blogspot.com/ so come and see them!

2008-04-29T23:15:00.002-04:00

a blogpost for tuesday, at one forty am

i was just offered a second option for the summer. instead of living in my parents basement for free and teaching sailing, i could live in a barn for cheap and go surfing. holy crap, this is the first time i've considered not living in portland for the summer. i would live a few minutes away from jesse, on cape cod, on 'the island' [martha's vineyard]. i would live in the woods. i would live on the water.

what portland has to offer me:
family
friends
a good, high paying job
free housing
somewhere to build a guitar

what cape cod has to offer me:
jesse
cheap housing
all the surfing i could dream of
somewhere to build a guitar
a band (of sorts)

if i go to the cape, i have to tell jeff and sarah and shawn and gavin and robb that i'm not teaching. that alone is one of the major parts of the decision. i feel like i've already made a major commitment to sailmaine. another major part would be telling sean that i'm not coming home after all. i think mom would be ok with it, but i can imagine how sean would take it. i wish jesse had invited me a month ago.

i feel like i have to choose between jesse or everybody else in my life. i just want everybody to live in one place. in the fall, he's going off to clark (in worcester). my latest plan is to live in portland.

i don't know what to do!

2008-04-29T23:14:00.001-04:00

a blogpost for my parents

emily told me i should go to judie's. she says it's pretty good, and they have a good drinks menu. judie's has a special significance in my life because my mom says that she and my dad went on their first date there, and my dad says they didn't.

a blogpost not for my parents
sometimes, i really hate itunes. i hate it when the view settings under my ipods music are different from that of my computers library. grrrr.

2008-04-29T23:09:00.000-04:00

2008-04-15T16:14:00.000-04:00

on radiohead: some brief thoughts

i always expect 'the bends' to end a whole lot sooner than it does. it builds up in just and my iron lung, and sort of climaxes during bullet proof. i feel like black star is a sort of epilogue, and then theres sulk and street spirit, which i love, but i feel like it keeps building up and falling off without really concluding.

and consistently stopping, starting, and turning around entirely:
i wonder if i'll ever live in the valley again. im incredibly excited to go home to portland, i feel as if i'll always be connected to northampton, and all it entails. i know that i'll miss just about everything that northampton means to me, and i find myself pondering how long it will be till i come back, or if i'll move back here. i almost cannot imagine not ever living here again. what a long, strange trip its been! i don't think my heart can ever be whole again after my brief stay here. what if i feel this way every time i move? i'm sad to be leaving. to know that in just two short months, i will no longer be a noho townie. i wonder who i will remember and who will remember me. i hope mark remembers me, and kim and liz, and maybe the girl with the glasses from serio's, and i want lacey's moms to remember me, and i want to remember everybody. mikey and ave and chris and memphis and brian and ct and mark and leon and nate and gabby and tom willis and mike and jody and bob and everybody.
i trust that i will be close to jesse for a long, long time. we've forged an incredible friendship here, with our first, most basic common ground was a complete lack of friends.

one last thing: ms welch was right about having your own apartment. i didn't understand when she told me, but right now it makes so much sense. these hours i have spent in contemplative solitude, sometimes loving it, often unable to bear it, have been wonderful. i don't know how i will adjust to being back at home. its gonna be the parents and sean and val and joe and me all living together in that little house, just a bit bigger than my apartment.
i think that i will miss northampton as much as i've missed portland. i think this is what finding home means.

hoodies, part two

2008-04-15T16:13:00.003-04:00

my love affair with the hoodie

or

a tribute to hoodies

it seems, of late, that i have been getting stoned an awful lot. it would also appear that whenever i'm stoned, i just want to put on my hoodie. and so i do. i realized that a few weeks ago, on a warmish april evening, when i was stoned and wanted my hoodie, that i hadn't worn a hoodie for a really long time. a really really long time. it almost feels like i associate hoodies with getting stoned and walking around the oldport with emily and dan and sam and liz, but mostly dan. dan was the most hardcore hoodie fanatic. year round, he wore this worn-in blue hoodie i so distinctly remember. summer sunsets and snowy strolls in the cemetery. blustery fall days and flooding spring afternoons.

i have sort of been feeling that people really look at you according to the way you're dressed. hipster kyle wicked got a different sort of look than hoodie kyle. maybe its just people around here, but i really feel a big contrast. especially compared with some of the sweaters i've been wearing. cardigan and sweater-vest, argyle or striped, i've been wearing them for about six months straight, and i've gotten very used to them. but now that it's spring, i just can't wait to put on that hoodie. its just so cozy. you can even bite it if you need to!

assets of the hoodie:

hooded or unhooded?
sometimes, you just gotta wear the hood. i don't know anything quite as satisfying as knowing that you have a hood, ready for whatever the fuck you need it for, be it intimidation or inclement weather.

can you say kangaroo pocket?
its so convenient. where else are you gonna put that nalgene whilst you swing up the branches of the trippin tree?

yet another thought on hoodies:
i was just thinking to back to the last time i was sick- when i was really sick for a few weeks and i didn't leave my bed much. the first thing i got out when i was getting ready to go to bed (for sixteen hours or so) was my pj pants, woolly socks, and the hoodie. i ditched the socks and pants before i went to bed, but the hoodie stayed.

one final notice about hoodies:
i am worried that i am obsessing over hoodies. i just can't stop thinking about them. i think i'll wear mine tomorrow.

2008-04-15T16:13:00.001-04:00

several blogposts for sunday, april thirteenth

•sam's dominance issues
i think i've figured out exactly what it is that's been up with me and sam lately. i think he has subconscious dominance issues. i think he always wants to be the alpha male, always want to be just that much better than everybody else. i've seen it in the way he walks (just ahead) and the way he eats, drinks and smokes (more) and in a million other places. fucking wierd.

•sam's conquering of a worldwide problem
i've been having this problem lately where i'm sitting on my bed, listening to music and drawing, and i want to break up some weed. but i'm always nicely situated and reluctant to get up and get a surface for rolling on. the finest surface for breaking up weed or rolling a joint is a macbook. the bright white gloss is great for weed spotability. so i've been wanting some way to close my macbook and have it still play music. sam was having this same exact problem, except he, upon realizing he had a problem, looked to google for a solution, with the words "close, macbook, listen, music." how fucking simple is that? he came up with a program to do exactly what he wanted: allow itunes to run while the computer is closed.

•ruth bitching me out
at the bus stop with sam, ruth came and bitched me out for smoking cigarettes. i love her. she told me i was young, and i needed to be strong, and stay healthy. as usual, i couldn't understand much of what she was saying to me, but i got the gist of it, and sam helped out a bit.

and of course

•on hoodies and their hold on portland
in portland, one article of clothing reigns: the omnipresent hoodie. yes, there are some folks (albeit not many) that don't wear a hoodie. but you know they have them. in a backpack, a trunk or a closet, they all have them.
the hoodie is present year round. who hasn't done the shorts-and-a-hoodie,(maybe with the hiking boots too), on a chilly summer evening? look, the leaves are starting to change colors. don't put that hoodie away yet! it'll be the perfect weight jacket on a bright fall afternoon. and now the first snowfall of the year, time to break out winter jackets. but don't pack that hoodie in the attic! don't even take the hoodie off! during the portland winter, a hoodie is survival. don't even take it off at night. and now its april, the snow is thawing! on a nice spring afternoon, you can finally take your hoodie off, but make sure to keep it on hand!
the hoodie is present in virtually all subcultures in portland, maine. even the hoodie defying hipsters have them, tucked away for the first sunset of the summer. i'm wearing a hoodie right now. honestly, how many portland residents do you know that don't wear a hoodie?

several uses for the hoodie:

sweatshirt
blanket
pillow
towel
napkin
kleenex
satchel

as a conlusion, i would like you to try to imagine portland without it's hoodie on. if, overnight, all the hoodies suddenly disappeared. it would be utter mayhem.

2008-04-15T16:11:00.000-04:00

friday, april 11, 2008

dear abuza brothers property management:

i'm sorry that my rent was late this month, i really should have let you know ahead of time. i hope that it did not disrupt your business.

also, i am going to be moving out of the area shortly; may will be my last month in your apartment. thank you for having me, you have been very hospitable.

your tenant of twenty masonic st, apt 2

-kyle t randall

a blogpost for friday, april eleventh, at two fourty four pm

sam is kinda a really big dick, and every time i change my mind, he reminds me exactly why thats true. i went in there to use the internet today while i waited for my bus (i had twenty minutes or so) and after a bit, mark and leon came in. sam and i and mark were chatting, and mark said that he was bummed about his starbucks thing (he organizes concerts there and they give him two iced coffees a day). mark was saying how he can't get bands to play there, so he couldnt get his free coffees. sam was a little insulted that mark wanted starbucks coffee, and mark kinda apologised with a 'raos is generally better, but nothing compares to starbucks iced coffee.' so i volunteered to play at starbucks, and sam gets all insulted, and starts saying that i disrespect him all the time, and i forget that he's not a kid, and he says to mark that he needs to remind me sometimes. i didn't want to get into it, so i left, but i kinda hate myself for leaving, i wish that i had stayed and bitched sam out for acting like a kid.

2008-04-11T14:30:00.000-04:00

hoorah

2008-04-02T15:00:00.003-04:00

i finally got those blogposts up. yay for backdated posts! i'm pretty willing to bet i have another few lying around that i missed. if i encounter any more backdated ones, i'll put them in my "to scan" pile.

last night i shotgunned a beer for the first time. actually, two beers. jesse and i went out dancing at the basement. i less than three dancing (but only when i'm drunk). i think i had five pbrs last night, one of them a pint, and that was really quite enough for me. also, when i woke up this morning, i had bruises on my collarbones from dancing to wildly with my headphones around my neck.
this morning i was on my way to getting out of bed to go catch the bus so i could go work a double when i fell asleep. i woke up at nine thirty, realized what had happened, and freaked out. i called jesse, and he gave me a ride in. when i got there, i wasn't on the schedule. how typical of me.

i talked to eroica earlier. it made me kinda sad. i am not sure exactly why, but it did. she was talking about how weird it is to see people that you went to high school with, and that made me think of all the people that i was friends with when i was a freshman. alex and tim and david smith and scotty meyer and mel and eroica and gena. i kind of miss them all, but i don't really want to see any of them at all except maybe mel and eroica. its a strange feeling, i guess because i used to be good friends with them, but now i don't even know them, i don't have anything in common with them except that we used to be friends. like the dandy warhols. "a long time ago, we used to be friends." it almost feels like that was a different life.

please don't read this next part

if you are reading this, you realize that the title is a title and nothing else. otherwise, you have incredible self restraint.

i am starting to like this girl that i work with at arigato. it is a feeling that i forgot about, and i don't think its much happier than the one that i am more familiar with. slightly different, though. she is cute and asian and she has a boyfriend, but i think that she maybe is liking me too. i can't help feeling smiley when we're together and i feel awful because i don't want her to like me and be dating someone else because its a really bad situation for everyone to be in, i know. we only worked together one shift, but we spent the whole time talking and laughing (there's really not much else to do at this job). i haven't felt like this for a long time and its angry and saddening and frustrating and happy and ridiculous and confusing and contradictory and i don't know what to do. help me! h for help, e for ergent, l for love me, p for please!

2008-04-02T14:54:00.003-04:00

letter to someone [i hardly know] is from march 27th.
on winged insects is from march 30th.

2008-04-02T14:52:00.000-04:00

2008-04-01T15:11:00.003-04:00

i think that i am not going to be able to finish school. i don't think it's a system that i can handle. it's not for me.

2008-03-30T15:49:00.001-04:00

the thing that bothers me most
i feel like emily tries to guilt trip me into doing things that should maybe be my duty if we were dating. this bothers me because i feel like i can't really confront her about them because she denies it vehemently.

a new topic:
i obsess
this is what i do
i am currently obsessing over emily
though i would like to stop
i just don't know how
a little help, please?

2008-03-30T13:49:00.004-04:00

i have been working on new ways to do my blog, cause i'm not such a big fan of this standard format. so for the past week or so, i've been writing out blogposts on whatever sort of paper i have on hand. today i scanned them all in, and i will be posting old blogposts which are conveniently backdated.

hair for bear

2008-03-30T13:49:00.001-04:00

2008-03-29T13:01:00.001-04:00

2008-03-29T12:59:00.000-04:00

a to-do list for wednesday, march 26, that won't, but needs to be done.

hem pants
apply at the brewery
go to library
talk to abuza bros property mgmt
shave
go to work at three thirty

same, but actually won't get done.

start psych project
do still-life
ponder life's many questions
think about black shoes

a follow up:
[what i actually did]

shaved
went to work at three thirty

2008-03-29T12:58:00.001-04:00

blogpost for wednesday march twenty seventh at one forty four a.m.
a funny thing happened to me today. on the bus on the way to to school was emma, the quite very attractive girl from the kielbasa sisters. i wanted to talk to her because she was pretty and i was really impressed with the kielbasa sisters act. and cause i kinda fancied her. but i didn't cause i didn't have anything to talk to her about or a way to break into the conversation. i realized that she was talking to matt, the guy from amherst who i talked to on the bus earlier in the semester. after i got out of psych class, i went out to wait for the bus and matt and emma were hanging outside, just waiting for the bus, so i went over and said hi, and conversation started. i talked with them the whole bus ride home, and i don't know if i like emma so much anymore. something about her bothers me, but i cant figure out what.

i hate everything

2008-03-27T13:50:00.002-04:00

i want to sit in my room and not talk to anybody forever. maybe i would let somebody in so that i could draw them, but they would have to leave after.

2008-03-23T17:41:00.000-04:00

a transcription of a chat with sam

2008-03-23T17:38:00.001-04:00

this is one thing i miss about portland

3:03:15 AM backdoorman31415: you still up?
3:03:17 AM itun3d (Autoreply): ripping up GarageBand

what else?
3:03:22 AM itun3d: yar
3:03:33 AM backdoorman31415: hows the composition?
3:03:38 AM itun3d: catchy
3:03:48 AM itun3d: simple 1 4 5 shit
3:03:51 AM itun3d: never fails
3:03:52 AM backdoorman31415: a world changing catchy?
3:04:06 AM itun3d: a genre defining catchy
3:04:25 AM backdoorman31415: a once in a lifetime catchy?
3:04:34 AM itun3d: hopefully not
3:04:47 AM backdoorman31415: a twice in a lifetime maybe?
3:04:55 AM itun3d: maybe.
3:05:21 AM backdoorman31415: gonna head out
3:05:28 AM itun3d: haha ok
3:05:28 AM backdoorman31415: i'm still at emily's
3:05:32 AM backdoorman31415: and pretty tired
3:05:32 AM itun3d: oh damn
3:05:43 AM backdoorman31415: but maybe i'll be on when i get home
3:05:54 AM itun3d: let's go to denny's
3:05:58 AM backdoorman31415: alright
3:06:09 AM itun3d: haha
3:06:16 AM backdoorman31415: i was serious
3:06:18 AM itun3d: same
3:06:28 AM itun3d: I didn't think you'd be down
3:06:31 AM backdoorman31415: i'll be there in 10
3:06:36 AM itun3d: haha niiice
3:06:40 AM backdoorman31415: peace
3:06:43 AM itun3d: see ya

2008-03-19T15:49:00.000-04:00

2008-03-19T15:48:00.002-04:00

2008-03-19T15:48:00.001-04:00

2008-03-19T15:47:00.001-04:00

2008-03-18T14:59:00.000-04:00

2008-03-14T12:49:00.002-04:00

in my dreams, my ankles and wrists are lashed to the corners of a four poster bed.

2008-03-12T10:54:00.000-04:00

in my dreams, you always wear your boots.

one down, three to go

2008-03-11T22:54:00.002-04:00

i tried to cut a track, but laid down the rhythm guitar and realized that i had a good solid 9 minutes worth of material for that one song. so i recorded a rough demo of the very first verse.

hrmm.

2008-03-11T22:34:00.002-04:00

too bad my vocals suck.
i think i need a singer, cause my voice just aint cutting it.

bizarre, and often baffling.

2008-03-11T21:33:00.002-04:00

or not at all. i have a fear of showing my art to people that are close to me. not my paper art, or even print art, record art, but my music, because that's what is really reflective of how i'm feeling all of the time.

tonight, i record.

sleep

2008-03-11T15:33:00.002-04:00

i finished my art midterm- it was a garlic still-life. i finished it at 6 a.m. so tired.

i took a break from that around 3?ish [or maybe it was 4ish] to give myself a haircut. by the time i had finished my still-life my hair had dried and i had the cute white-boy fro from my sophomore year, so i put on emily's hat to sleep and that helped me get it under control.

i cant pay attention to psychology (that's where i am right now)

also, i think that i'm very silly.

fuck.

2008-03-10T11:19:00.001-04:00

this is a mess. it really fucking is. i think this will be my last post on this blog.

circles, part two

2008-03-09T03:26:00.017-04:00

drunk. this is consistent.

it seems like what i was trying to say when i wrote 'circles' didn't really come out. so i'm ready for round two.
i'm drunk and listening to abbey road. both of these are important.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

i miss emily. a whole lot. it seems like this is the only thing thats been consistent since i've started this blog. sometimes i wonder if i do the things i do because of a inherent and unconscious need to be alone or unhappy.

[the thing about having a secret blog is that you can write whatever the fuck you want to and nobody will be affected by it. i would be fine knowing that one hundred thousand people read my blog every time i posted, as long as i didn't personally know or know of any of those one hundred thousand people. that would be a secret blog.]

i recently realized that maybe i wouldnt actually be any happier if i were with emily.

[isnt it funny how i can't stop writing about her? maybe i'm unconsciously trying to drown my existence with constant thoughts of her.]

maybe everything wouldn't be sunshine and flowers.

[i wonder about the dependability of my memory at this point]

was i ever happy when we were together?

was she?

am i obsessed?

[somebody tell me please]

i think there's one person who is reading this and understanding each and every word of it.

[but again, i could be wrong]
••
•••••••••••••••••••••••••

excuse me, i think i've got a heartache.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
•••••••••••

i worry that i'm dying.
i worry that the world is dying.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

at this point, i'm a little unsure of why i put on abbey road. she's so heavy just came on, and that makes me wrong again.

also, i'd like to make a note. in the previous sentence, i had been planning to type "sad" or "confused" or "reassured that the world actually is really wicked dying."
i'm not quite sure how wrong ended up in there.

•*•*•*•*•*•

£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞£∞

as one final sidenote, i hung out with dan tonight, it didn't work, i'm going to see him tomorrow afternoon. i hope i don't end up disappointed, or hating him.

a poste script

out of college, money spent.
see no future, pay no rent.
all the money gone, no where to go.

i love abbey road
[ i think ]

circles

2008-03-06T23:34:00.003-05:00

its funny how everything i do is so circular. i want ems.

can i tell a story?
the other night (the first night of getting drunk) i was at the basement and lacey showed up. she was ecstatic about seeing me. she kept saying that she missed me, and i kept not saying that i missed her. we danced for a while and she was kinda all over me, so i went to get a new beer, but realized that i had already spent too much money on alcohol (13 dollars) so i got this girl to buy me a drink (she was incredibly drunk and kept hitting on me). after she bought me a beer, we were talking, and then she forgot about me and went to talk to somebody else. it was good.
anyway, lacey said she wants to hang out. i don't really want to, but i invited her out the next night for more partying and she said she would call me and come and meet me at diva's. she didn't call and i didnt go to diva's. also, i kinda deleted her number from my phone a while ago, so i can't really call her at all (which is fine).
i hope she doesnt pop into my life again.

a backdated post

2008-03-06T23:05:00.005-05:00

i made this post a really long time ago, and i liked it a whole lot. so i wanted to post it again.

pictures

2008-03-06T23:03:00.002-05:00

pictures

2008-03-06T22:57:00.004-05:00

i made these in december one night when i was stoned (maybe the last time i was)

whiny son of a bitch (thats ME!)

2008-03-06T22:47:00.004-05:00

i'm hungry, i have a headache, my throat hurts so much i can hardly swallow a mouthful of water, and i know that when i go to bed, i won't be able to sleep.
times like these, i just want emily to hold me.

my illness, however painful, is nothing compared to viña's- she has a 101º fever. SO, i made her a card.

the inside says "i hope you don't tomorrow."
guess some of my hair ended up on the scanner.

2008-03-02T23:53:00.003-05:00

it seems like i always have a whole lot of things to say. for example, tonight: i worry that if i don't type fast enough, i'll forget most of what i want to type before i can actually write it down. tahnk god for touch typing.

•drunk- i'm alittle bit wine drunk. i think i drank a whole lot of wine, but i really am not too sure.

•drinking problem- for the second night in a row, i spilled wine on my shirt. god damnit. (i don't remember what shirt last night, but my k.t. strasse and the pansy rockers shirt tonight. damn my clumsy drinking problem)

•keys- some stickers on bear's keyboard make it tactically a little bit wierd to type. she has stickers on the 3,8,w,i,p,[,x,c,. keys. hrmmmm.

.pants- i want to take my pants off. they are a little bit tighter than i want them to bee.

•dance- i really want to have a dance party to the boy with the arab strap, but sarah's roommate is here. i'm a little bit sad about that, cause i know i would be having a whole lot of fun dancing if she wasn't here.

•punctuation- i really enjoy punctuation. it's really nice. :) also, i want the leading on courier new to be a little bit tighter so that when i do a colon parentheses smiley face, its cuter.

•bullets- i really like using bullets, as i am doing right now. option 8 will get you there.

•http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjcH2UmK1uo

all we want to do is eat your brains.
we're not unreasonable, i mean, noones gonna eat your eyes.

•tired- i'm alittle bit tired, and i am having a harder time finding the right keys to spell words out.

•roommate- i'm a little bit unhappy with sarah's roommate. first she spent all of today sleeping in the room (so we couldnt be in here) and now she's just putting on a movie (with the sound on (at 12:10, when we are almost ready for bed)

•time- time to end this blogpost. goodnight all.

-k

a song

2008-03-02T02:43:00.002-05:00

time for another irregular post:
i wrote a song a few days ago (monday). it was a happy song. it was the first time i've written a non-dismal song in, oh, say, six or eight months. it was good.

[posted from brooklyn, ny]

-k

time for more post: (cause i'm just not done yet)

ken holden (the guy who told me he was a manager of famous bands and recruiting agent for the music industry) pre-ordered two t-shirts today. that means i have to spend 9 dollars for a bag of xxl t-shirts, but he'll pay me 30 dollars for two ts. maybe i should start using american apparel shirts. higher quality? yes. hmm hmm. maybe in a month or two, after i sell a few shirts, and get things going. busy busy.

i arrived in new york this evening. sarahbear took me out to dinner and we had delicious indian food. two guys sat near us and we talked to them about being gay and appearing gay. it was moste definitely a laugh. they both thought i was gay, and that sarah was moste likely gay. hehehe.

anyway, i should probably go to bed. SO... goodnight, all.

-k

hallo

2008-01-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

i've changed the look of my blog, as you can probably tell. my old secret blog (which i deleted after _____ found it and told a few people about) looked pretty much like this one does now, with the gray and the black and the red.

i've changed the look of my bedroom, as you are probably completely unaware of what it looked like before and what what it looks like now. i got a new table here, and now my bedroom isnt so empty. [insert monotone cheering here]

today, i was supposed to work at shelbourne falls (the coffee shop) for the first time in a really long time (a month) but i was too tired and i didn't go. also, i wanted to have breakfast with my aunt lisa and my hermanita, val, before lisa went back to boston. we went to the green bean, and it was great. they have the best chollah french toast. [insert monotone hollah here]

anyway, i gotta go finish cleaning my hizouse, yo.

—k

t shirts

2008-01-18T04:05:00.001-05:00

i've got a new hobby— making t shirts. its kinda awesome. last night i made one with edmund (my favorite snuggle monster) and tonight i made a radiohead shirt. i've wanted a radiohead shirt for a while, but i havent bought one. i decided radiohead would be happy if i made one myself, so i did. it has scary bear, and written underneath is "we hope that you choke." its pretty awesome.

other things i enjoy making- mobiles, calendars, music, stash-trays...

moral dillama

2008-01-15T11:41:00.000-05:00

so i'm torrenting the second disc of in rainbows right now, and it occurred to me that i really should pay radiohead for the first album (which i torrented). its too late now! they arent offering it anymore.

l-a-m-e.

hi

2008-01-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

i'm on myspace now- i know its lame.

please listen to my music.

myspace.com/ktstrasse

some more thoughts

2008-01-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

i want dan. i really want dan.

when i got back to northampton from portland, i worried about money. i'd been worrying about money since i moved out, pretty much. i haven't gone hungry, which is a little bit miraculous, and i somehow managed to pay my rent, phone bill, gas bill, electricity bill, and feed myself. but a few weeks ago (when we had three snowstorms in one week, there was a period of two weeks when i only worked about 20 hours. so when i got home (noho home) from christmas, i was pretty much worried about money. my paycheck for this week is probably going to be around 100 dollars (because of the snowstorms). HOWEVER, i went to tutor conor (the dyslexic cousin) on sunday. there was some mail waiting for me- a phone bill, a bank statement, and a hand addressed letter postmarked december sixth in ny, ny, with a return address of mainstreet northampton. inside the envelope was a check for two hundred and forty dollars, and nothing else. the check was my last paycheck from working at sparky's. the check would cover my insufficient funds for january.
so heres the point- i am not worried about money right now. i have enough money to feed myself, pay bills, rent AND have a few dollars left over for next month. now that i'm not worried about money, i don't know what to do with myself.
strange.

ps- is this coherent? i think i probably repeated myself a few times, but i don't have the energy to go back and read it through.

2008-01-10T14:44:00.000-05:00

i try to upload more pictures, but it takes too long.

2008-01-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

i don't even know

2008-01-10T14:22:00.000-05:00

i dont know what to do. lately i've just been so purposeless and alone. i could deal with one of them, but not both together. emily says go to school. dad says go to school. bill says go to school. mom says go to school if it makes me happy.
too bad i don't know what will make me happy.

jesse says don't go to school. he say's it's important to live for a while, until you know what you want to do. then you can go to school.
i think i should stop listening to other peoples advice.

i want to play in a band. i want to play in a band. i want to play in a band.
what do you want?

www.myspace.com/ktstrasse

2007-12-31T15:53:00.000-05:00

are you enjoying yourself?

2007-12-23T04:19:00.000-05:00

i don't know how coherent this is, i just got out of work forty minutes ago. i worked a double today, and i am opening the store tomorrow. hopefully somebody will show up so that i can go home. i really really don't want to be here tomorrow.
somebody told me that the definition of an orgy is more than two people in bed with their shoes off. if thats true, then bring it on. i'm homesick and i wanna go home.
i'm listening to the soundtrack to gardenstate to help me be sleepy (remember all those evenings we slept away whilst listening to gardenstate? i do). its helping a little bit, but not a whole lot.
speaking of gardenstate, theres one song on there that i think is really weak: colin hay's i dont think i'll ever get over you. i think it really sucks.

i miss you.

now i'm awake at the other four twenty, all by myself.
:(

a few important updates

2007-12-20T23:19:00.000-05:00

just a few things:

i got to work on emily's calendar today. i probably won't have it done for christmas, but i can hopefully have it done shortly thereafter.

i think i blew the left speaker on my computer speakers. i'm pretty sad about that. i'm pretty sure it was arcade fire this afternoon. :(

i am excited to have my scanner so that i can scan all of my pictures and post them here. expect to start seeing them around the first of the month.

sometimes

2007-12-20T12:25:00.000-05:00

sometimes, i see pictures that make a whole lot of sense to me. like this one i found at exploding dog.com:

doesnt it make you happy?

whats going on

2007-12-20T01:26:00.000-05:00

i have no idea. really, i'm not joking, i just plain don't know whats going on.

maybe a week ago, lacey came over. we hung out and watched velvet goldmine. then i drew her several times (twice with her clothes on, once without them). i taught her blister on the sun on the guitar, and then she spent the night. it was nice to have someone to snuggle with.
the first drawing with clothes came out pretty bad, the second one really good, and the last one awful, i guess i was a little too drunk/tired (it was around 6 a.m.)
the next day it snowed all day, and laura and i hung out. it was really fun. we drank blueberry tea and had toast on rye. i drew her, but i was having issues. i think i'm bad at drawing with charcoal when i'm stoned. [i had gotten stoned with liz earlier in the day]
had the last three days off from work. bored out of my mind. i just want to hang out with people.
i had dinner with nate one night, it was nice. he brought white wine, and we watched powder (about albino kid with supernatural powers) and made out a little bit (or a lot). i got to draw him. i couldn't get his head quite right. i think it might be a little too small. it didnt help that he kept moving.

you can call me slutbear.

in other news

the couscous kid. aint he just grand?

laundromat

2007-12-10T13:08:00.000-05:00

i like to sit in the laundromat, and people-watch. there are lots of people in here, doing their laundry. theres a crazy lady preaching about god to me. she says "ask and ye shall recieve." she talks fast. she introduced herself to me and told me about how she has all these crafts that she makes and needs to sell. as she was talking, a flyer fell off the bulletin board for a craft fair. spooky. a "psychic party" poster also fell down. she took both of them with her.

now i see a ghost walking. she has sad eyes, and i always see her in the grocery store. she's standing outside the laundromat, just looking in. approaching the door. looking, watching, waiting. her tongue pressed between her lips, entire being intent upon the door. by the time i have finished writing this, she has turned and loped off, in her sad, lonely way.

this is northampton.

essentials

2007-12-10T12:43:00.000-05:00

hungry.

cold.

tired.

lonely.

i'm all of these right now.
-------------------
i wish that i could make you happy.

snow

2007-12-03T14:25:00.000-05:00

white snow, grey sky, and red brick.

2007-12-03T13:45:00.000-05:00